godsays | private . 19th metal

private . 19th metal

[ private to anya ]

I think I need help.

[ private to kelsier ]

I want to ask you to keep Vin away from me, but I don't trust you to put my safety over her comfort.

[ Bald and honest. He cares about Kelsier, and Marsh, and it is unbelievably painful to understand that he would be betrayed. ]

[ private to iris ]

You've been killed before. By people here.

[ private to morgana ]

How did you die?

[ a couple days later, private to Cassel ]

I'm sorry I've been so afraid.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[There is the faintest smile.]

Too much.

Everything else is too much. Not the time.

Tell me that after you've spent a year and a half here.

How did you first find out about your powers?

I had a nightmare, and set my room on fire. [She shakes her head, because it's so much more complicated than that.] Magic was outlawed, punishable by death. I thought I was losing my mind; I couldn't be certain what had happened, and no one would say it.

I felt so alone.

Allomancy was valued, even while it was secret. You have to Snap to manifest. It's - usually it's done in the noble families by having someone someone come and beat you until you almost die, but not quite.

Mistborn are the most powerful of all Allomancers. When I Snapped, they all congratulated me. Allomancy is... it's a part of me, but they were happy - he was happy because he would have an assassin. A weapon. Like I told you, when we were children.

That was when I knew I was alone.

I remember. [She couldn't understand it when they were small. She does now.]

They wanted us to be docile for them. There - there were others from Camelot here, before. They had the gall to ask why I kept my secrets, why I didn't tell them what I was when I discovered it.

The one person I did tell tried to kill me. [Three guesses who.]

There are always people who would use us for what we can do. It would have been easier, not having this. [She doesn't say 'this gift,' because she's afraid she might say burden. The flood she spent without her magic was too raw.]

You mean it would be easier if you weren't who you are.

Without doubt. [Stop making her feel complicated things zane, it's confusing.]

Does that make me a coward?

Are you afraid to be who you are? Because that isn't the same as knowing it would be easier to be something else.

No. There's no point to fear, anymore. [A quiet laugh] They wanted me to be a monster so I became a monster. That's who I am. I'm not afraid of that.

Then you're not a coward.

[It's comforting, especially since Lara's accusations of fear cut so deep. She is afraid, of so many things - of the way her thoughts don't feel her own sometimes, of the way she feels like spin further and further out of control, and yes, like Lara said, she's afraid of spending an unchanging eternity here, full of ports like the Vanquish and enough floods to make her forget what's real.

She's afraid, but at least that doesn't make her a coward. It's nice to hear.]

Thank you.

I've only called one person a coward here, and it was because he thought he knew best for someone else, when what he was really picking was to stay away from what he was afraid of.

Who?

Chris.

Pulling away from Cassel.

I don't really know him. [She knows Cassel's involved with him, and that Cassel was hurt because of that involvement, but that's it.]

I don't blame you. He's very loud.

But easy enough to ignore. [Then again, most people are.]

If you really want to ignore something, nothing can make you pay attention.

Maybe.

...I don't even know who your warden is. Or if you have one.

Lara Croft.

I don't know her.

Do you like her?

I don't know. Better than my last warden.

...She's decided we're to share a dog. [There is still the tiniest element of bewilderment here.]

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