30th metal . video . CW for unknowing marijuana use

[godsays]

[ Zane has a half-empty brownie plate next to him. (Courtesy of a couple certain superheroes.) He's leaning back against his bed, sitting on the floor. He licks his fingers of crumbs, and folds his arms so his elbows rest on his knees. ]

I was thinking.

[ He rubs at one of his eyes. ]

Whether or not you need someone, or love them - that doesn't have anything to do with whether you think they're - good. Good. Or good for you. You don't think like that. You think about how you feel. You don't think at all. Or you only think - in stupid ways.

You have to train someone to think that way. And will they really be happy? Calculations. Is this person better for me than they are bad... they owe me this much love to even the scales.

I've never done that. But I think it would be worse than keeping track of slight, or humiliation, or jealousy, or power. Keeping those was just ordinary. As easy as breathing or Burning.

There are some people I love who might not be very good. Here. But I love them anyway. Like family.

[ He's very intense. And keeps staring off into the distance for a second or two. ]

All my family is dead. [ Abruptly. ] Except, I think - maybe not. Probably dead.

[ He bites his lip, contemplatively. ]

I want to chew something.

[ private to Vin, Marsh, Erik, the 16th ]

Kelsier is in a coma.

[ private to Morgana, the 16th]

Help me.

[ private to Cassel, the 16th ]

I'm not holding together.

Comments

Private;

[anewlanguage]

Fair enough. I listen better to that anyway.

...What's the summary of your story, then?

Private;

[godsays]

[ A brief pause, then: ]

In my world, there are the noble bloodlines, and the skaa. The skaa are slaves. The nobles are rich. Nobles also had the genetic potential for powers called Allomancy. These powers can manifest as one possible power, or as all of them. No options in between. An Allomancer with one power is a Misting. An Allomancer with all of them is a Mistborn.

My father was the head of one of the most powerful Noble houses in the Final Empire. But he wanted guarantees. Over the course of his life, he took mistresses and lovers wherever he could, because he was a Misting, and if he needed it, he wanted an army. I was among the first handful of illegitimate children he had. I was the only Mistborn. The most powerful and the most important - but always meant to be a weapon.

Private;

[anewlanguage]

[He swallows, because he can see where this is going, where his father must have stepped in. And why.]

How early on did he know you were Mistborn? [Which really means, how early did your training start?]

Private;

[godsays]

[ A hesitation. ]

Powers like that don't just show up. They have to be - an Allomancer has to Snap before they manifest. It means physical and emotional trauma.

Usually, noble families have their children beaten close to death, when they are between thirteen and seventeen.

It was when I was eleven.

Private;

[anewlanguage]

[Cain has seen a lot, and done a lot more than that. He can recall every single time he beat Cass, every time he left her bleeding so he could teach her to suture herself.

It's different. But it's close enough. Too close.]

How- did you see your family, after-?

Private;

[godsays]

My brothers? As less than me.

[ He'd thought he was more. Chosen, special. ]

Private;

[anewlanguage]

[Cain is an only child. The kids he'd had, he'd pitted against each other, until he'd decided to have his own biological child to raise alone. So...he can see where Zane is coming from. A bit.]

And now?

Private;

[godsays]

They're dead now.

[ All of them. ]

Mostly, it was because of things I did. Things I used them for. I don't - I don't think about it very much.

[ He tries not to, on purpose. Though maybe making a new family here is, at least in part, his way of trying to change the past. ]

Private;

[anewlanguage]

What does having brothers mean to you now, though?

[This is something he's had a hard time thinking of, too. For him, Cass finding family meant leaving him even further behind, and he has never been convinced that she was happy with it.]

Private;

[godsays]

By blood? It means I should have taken care of them. It means I didn't know what was important.

Now, it's - Cassel, mostly. He's not blood, but he's what family should be. For me.

Private;

[anewlanguage]

Even with how unpredictable this place is?

Private;

[godsays]

My life was unpredictable before.

Private;

[anewlanguage]

You were often turned into another person or knocked into a coma?

Private;

[godsays]

A god spoke to me and tried to drive me insane.

Private;

[anewlanguage]

Hey, kudos to you for keeping it together. I've never heard of any prophet who didn't go mad.

Private;

[godsays]

A prophet.

I don't think I was a prophet. Just a pawn.

Private;

[anewlanguage]

Aren't prophets the lucky bastards who get to talk to God direct? [But the way he says it, he knows there's nothing lucky about it at all.]

Private;

[godsays]

Lucky.

I just thought I was insane.

Private;

[anewlanguage]

Not like you can't be both!

[But no, he gets it. Prophets in his world tend to meet gruesome ends.]

How's it working out for you here?

Private;

[godsays]

Better.

What about you?

Private;

[anewlanguage]

Could always be worse. I figure one of these days I might even get a diploma from the Admiral, or whatever he hands out.

How many people know what you can do?

Private;

[godsays]

My powers?

A few. Maybe more - I don't keep it a secret. It was secret too often at home.

Private;

[anewlanguage]

Well you know some people around here would take advantage if they could.

Private;

[godsays]

I don't let them anymore.

Private;

[anewlanguage]

Anymore? Who was walking on you before, kid?