godsays: (Default)
ZANE . house venture ([personal profile] godsays) wrote2013-10-14 07:58 pm

30th metal . video . CW for unknowing marijuana use

[ Zane has a half-empty brownie plate next to him. (Courtesy of a couple certain superheroes.) He's leaning back against his bed, sitting on the floor. He licks his fingers of crumbs, and folds his arms so his elbows rest on his knees. ]

I was thinking.

[ He rubs at one of his eyes. ]

Whether or not you need someone, or love them - that doesn't have anything to do with whether you think they're - good. Good. Or good for you. You don't think like that. You think about how you feel. You don't think at all. Or you only think - in stupid ways.

You have to train someone to think that way. And will they really be happy? Calculations. Is this person better for me than they are bad... they owe me this much love to even the scales.

I've never done that. But I think it would be worse than keeping track of slight, or humiliation, or jealousy, or power. Keeping those was just ordinary. As easy as breathing or Burning.

There are some people I love who might not be very good. Here. But I love them anyway. Like family.

[ He's very intense. And keeps staring off into the distance for a second or two. ]

All my family is dead. [ Abruptly. ] Except, I think - maybe not. Probably dead.

[ He bites his lip, contemplatively. ]

I want to chew something.

[ private to Vin, Marsh, Erik, the 16th ]

Kelsier is in a coma.

[ private to Morgana, the 16th]

Help me.

[ private to Cassel, the 16th ]

I'm not holding together.
anewlanguage: (Default)

Private;

[personal profile] anewlanguage 2014-01-02 02:25 am (UTC)(link)
Could always be worse. I figure one of these days I might even get a diploma from the Admiral, or whatever he hands out.

How many people know what you can do?
anewlanguage: (Default)

Private;

[personal profile] anewlanguage 2014-01-03 05:06 am (UTC)(link)
Well you know some people around here would take advantage if they could.
anewlanguage: (smirk)

Private;

[personal profile] anewlanguage 2014-01-04 04:25 am (UTC)(link)
Anymore? Who was walking on you before, kid?
anewlanguage: (the mark of cain)

Private;

[personal profile] anewlanguage 2014-01-04 04:46 am (UTC)(link)
[Which begs an uncomfortable question that Cain has chased around for a long time]

You ever see him here? Not like a hallucination, but- you ever 'see' him in the people here?
anewlanguage: (Default)

Private;

[personal profile] anewlanguage 2014-01-04 04:48 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah. Yeah, people who bring him up in your mind almost as clear as if he was there.
anewlanguage: (Default)

Private;

[personal profile] anewlanguage 2014-01-08 06:59 pm (UTC)(link)
Hannibal's got a hell of a mind. I'm sure you know that, flood or not. [It's not Zane's fault, is what he means, and it wouldn't have been his fault even without the flood.]

How much does he know about you now? Enough to be dangerous?
anewlanguage: (dreadful sorry clementine)

Private;

[personal profile] anewlanguage 2014-01-10 10:33 am (UTC)(link)
Hell no it doesn't. Him being smarter also doesn't mean he can't be outsmarted.

What could he do with what he knows? Theoretically.
anewlanguage: (Default)

Private;

[personal profile] anewlanguage 2014-01-14 01:57 am (UTC)(link)
You've gotta steel yourself up for it, because he'll try.
anewlanguage: (always smiling)

Private;

[personal profile] anewlanguage 2014-01-19 03:18 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm just sick of seeing the psychopaths get the upperhand.
anewlanguage: (Default)

Private;

[personal profile] anewlanguage 2014-01-23 03:57 am (UTC)(link)
It usually goes over better if people don't know I give a damn what happens to someone.

[He's quiet a second, weighing his options.]

So yeah I do care.
anewlanguage: (Default)

Re: Private;

[personal profile] anewlanguage 2014-01-25 05:15 pm (UTC)(link)

[He's quiet, and then quiet a while longer.]

I used to say it was all justified 'cause at least now, no one can beat her. She's about the safest person I know.

[He's quiet again, and feels his throat click when he tries to talk, so he swallows a few times.]

But yeah. Not an hour goes by I don't have it on my shoulders. I'd rather have her happy for a little while than safe all the time, and I took that option away.

anewlanguage: (Default)

Re: Private;

[personal profile] anewlanguage 2014-01-30 08:33 pm (UTC)(link)
I wish I'd done it for her. I did it so all the things I'd learned wouldn't just die off with me. I did it so I could make more money.

[He offers this even though a lie had been there at the back of his tongue. He wants badly to be the good father; but that would mean rewriting history, and he's learned by now not to indulge those delusions.]

How many others like you did he have?

Private;

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