godsays: (35)
ZANE . house venture ([personal profile] godsays) wrote2014-09-13 09:01 am

060th metal

I wanted to talk about the Barge.

[ He's in the garden again, the garden that's going to become lonely without Morgana. (Visible in the shot is a certain special, elaborate, beautiful flower that he's threatened people over before.) ]

I got here... it's been almost two years for me, though less for the people here. I graduated in five months. That time was terrifying, and painful, and wonderful. I changed so much. But I've changed more since then. It was just a step, not an ending.

I think it's hard to be a warden because what the Admiral does, sometimes, isn't fair. He takes people who have suffered and hurt and lost and makes them suffer more. He traps people who have been trapped their whole lives, and he's not concerned with anyone calling it wrong.

I know - I know inmates have almost always hurt people. I know the Barge changes us into people who don't. I think the way that happens is that it makes us not alone anymore. It shows us mirrors of ourselves. It shows us love. It hurts us and shows us that we can heal.

[ He's started to cry, tears spilling over, though his expression doesn't change. ]

I was never loved. You, all of you who were, you're so lucky. I thought that a son should love his father, and so I let him use me, and I gave him everything he expected. I killed, and I watched, and - I even tried to kill him sometimes, because he expected it, and he would have thought I was weak if I hadn't. Then, when I became too skilled, he tried to dispose of me, and when that didn't work, he tried to buy me, and I...

You don't know how lucky you are. You don't know how it changes everything when people love you.

[ He wipes tears away. ]

It's not going to be the same without Morgana.

[ spam for sylvanas ]

[ He stops by her cabin, after making the post. Just a check-in, which he does every once in a while, making sure she's all right, that she doesn't need anything. He knocks, because he never comes in without asking - at least, not until Lirath's opened the door for him. ]
routemistress: (monochrome)

[personal profile] routemistress 2014-09-13 01:45 pm (UTC)(link)
This is just one reason I love you, my phoenix.

[Because she wasn't loved either, because that's why Iris is constantly starved for it too, and sometimes like calls to like.]

Sometimes I feel like we're the lucky ones. Knowing from the start never to take love for granted.
routemistress: (chinhands)

[personal profile] routemistress 2014-09-13 02:01 pm (UTC)(link)
Depend 'ow you don't 'ave it. I didn't 'ave someone that should've loved me breaking me. I didn't 'ave anyone I felt I owed love to. A stray dog, not a chained and beaten one.

That is a lot worse.
americasdirtiest: (that's all you're gonna say?)

[spam, later] [placeholder-ish]

[personal profile] americasdirtiest 2014-09-13 02:07 pm (UTC)(link)
[Mickey has never seen the value in talking things out. Things happen or they don't, you feel this way or that way about it... he's never understood why talking about it is supposed to help. It seems to him like all it would do is bring it all up again. So he tunes out quickly the second Zane starts, and if his hands weren't currently full (with a bottle in one and a smoke in the other) he'd probably just switch off entirely. Zane's isn't a face he really wants to look at right now.

That changes when he hears something in Zane's voice and looks over to see the tears falling. That's-- It's--

Men don't cry in the Milkovich family. Real Men don't cry in public where he comes from, no matter what their name is. And if they do, they definitely don't do it while talking about their dads and love and stuff. Even if Mickey hadn't learned that from his dad as a kid, he would have learned it pretty damn fast in juvie, where any guy who shed a tear might as well have been wearing a target on his back.

But Zane doesn't look even a little embarrassed or nervous or defensive or anything, and that shakes Mickey, because he would have readily called Zane a Real Man at any time before now. He saw him dive into 407 to save Jerry; he's heard him talk on the network. He's a stone-fucking-cold killer.

And he's right -- because Mickey is a son who wanted to love his father, too -- and he's crying, and he doesn't seem to care, and that doesn't add up at all in Mickey's head. He's literally never seen it before in a real guy, like, one he's talked to, one not on the TV. Shit, even Ian doesn't cry in front of him.

He doesn't even think of responding on the network. He has absolutely no idea what he would say. He waits and watches the responses come in, silently transfixed. And whenever Zane leaves the garden, Mickey is still there on the deck. He's sitting far from the exit, over by the railing, but he's staring right at the door in a way that makes it clear he's been staring for a while.]
routemistress: (monochrome)

[personal profile] routemistress 2014-09-13 02:33 pm (UTC)(link)
I know. I'm sorry you don't 'ave the memories. You know I'll remember it for you whenever you want?

[She knows that's not the same, but it's all she has.]

And I think we'll 'ave others. Quantum entanglement tends to work that way.
routemistress: (tender)

[personal profile] routemistress 2014-09-13 02:50 pm (UTC)(link)
I 'ave faith that you will. This boat's - she's cruel, we both know that. But she does 'ave a way of giving us what we need, too.
routemistress: (glove)

[personal profile] routemistress 2014-09-13 03:03 pm (UTC)(link)
Then maybe I'll need you to 'ave it.

[You make her so happy, Zane, she can't even.]
forsaken_queen: (head turn)

spam

[personal profile] forsaken_queen 2014-09-13 03:59 pm (UTC)(link)
[She saw his post. She'd considered answering it for all of two seconds before shutting her comm down completely.

You're so lucky. It's offensive to her very core. Her warden is a child and a fool. It's what she repeats to herself, so she doesn't say it out loud to his face. He's grieving, and it's the only excuse she accepts for spouting such reckless nonsense to the whole boat.

She's determinedly doing anything but listening to further discussions on the topic. Her choice of "anything" being looking over lines of Latin Vergil had written and translated into Common, or English as he called it. It was something to focus on that wouldn't set her temper off.

And then there was the knock at her door. It takes only a moment to know it isn't Vergil, and she'd be able to sense if it was Arthas, so she intends to ignore it. But once again Lirath has other ideas. It's Zane at the door and Lirath hasn't seen him in aaages. The big cat opens the door and greets Zane with exuberance, nuzzling at his hand insistently for pets.
]
Edited 2014-09-13 15:59 (UTC)
fireincarnate: (Default)

[personal profile] fireincarnate 2014-09-13 04:05 pm (UTC)(link)
[Jean was pretty sure she'd stopped crying, but now her eyes are red and burning. How can she be so happy and so sad at the same time?]

No, it won't. [Her voice is soft, and hoarse.]

[She closes her eyes, for a moment, wills the tears away - at least for a while.] And you're right. I've - I have memories of lives where I wasn't. It's not the same, but I...it changed me so much.
hellofist: (many uses)

[personal profile] hellofist 2014-09-13 04:46 pm (UTC)(link)
[Cass runs.

It isn't frantic, it's only efficient. She takes turns without slowing, leaps up the stairs, all of it with the singular purpose of reaching Zane as quickly as she can so she can minimize the amount of time he spends crying by himself.

She isn't used to seeing people doing that so freely. When she's cried herself, it's been unexpected, she hadn't even realized it until she noticed wetness on her cheeks and blurry vision. Almost every time it had been because of Stephanie, because the loss of her shook something so deep in Cass she had no idea how to cope with it. Stephanie had been the start of so much for Cass, and losing her had been unbearable at times.

Morgana leaving will be hard, she knows that. But Morgana is alive, and it's hard to be unhappy that she's leaving when she deserves to so very much, but there's more to Zane's tears than Morgana's departure. That's what makes her run, and when she reaches the door she doesn't pause to catch her breath, she just pushes straight through and finds Zane as quickly as she can, drawing up close to him and putting her hand on his shoulder, turning him towards her lightly. She's going to hug him, pull him in and likely not let go, but first she makes sure he knows who it is grabbing onto him.]


Zane.
forsaken_queen: (lean)

spam

[personal profile] forsaken_queen 2014-09-13 05:02 pm (UTC)(link)
[Of course it's Zane. The one person she'd rather not talk to at the moment has come to visit. Sometimes, she resents having a social pet. Which is completely unfair since she could easily command him not to do half the stuff he does that bugs her.]

It's a little late to ask now.

[It's a passive aggressive permission. And she doesn't look up at him from the sheet of parchment in front of her. She's trying not to snap at him for what he broadcasted. The fact that she's actually trying probably says a lot.]
400yearsofsurvival: (Are you kidding me?)

[audio]//[private]

[personal profile] 400yearsofsurvival 2014-09-13 05:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Love?!

[ He scoffs the word, like it's some sort of joke.]

You think that's what we all need?
routemistress: (LOL)

[personal profile] routemistress 2014-09-13 06:12 pm (UTC)(link)
Proud of you as I am? I find it 'ard to admit anyone could be this proud of you.


But aye. Probably.
400yearsofsurvival: (Oh aren't you pathetic)

[audio]//[private]

[personal profile] 400yearsofsurvival 2014-09-13 06:26 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh. Yes. A cure for our "loneliness", as well.

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