![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
13th metal . spam & text . cw: self-harm
[ He winds long bandages around his arms before he goes to take a shower, covering himself from elbow to palm. He makes it look more like gauntlets than anything else, to minimize any questions asked, moves furtively and quickly, dodges out as soon as possible. And he longs for the days when the servants had to bring him a bath, and he didn't care what they saw - let them gossip, let them spread the word that he hurts himself. Let it add to the terror they see in him.
Here, it only adds to his shame and frustration. The voice is gone, and he shouldn't need to control himself this way, but the longer he resists, the greater the need becomes, and he always gives in eventually.
It seems wrong to him, anyway, that his arms are mostly bare of scars. That his chest, too, is unmarked. That the other evidence of his violent life is erased, leaving his skin as ordinary as a child's. Sometimes he remembers the scars and he feels the temptation to bring them back.
He has also often been stepping into the gardens and the greenhouse lately, mostly just sitting still and watching the plants. He recognizes their progress. Tries, though it makes him feel a little ridiculous, to murmur things to them sometimes. To talk to them. ]
[ text ]
If you have scars, are they important to you? Do you think they matter?
[ video ; private to Charles ]
I told Megamind you wouldn't object to me attending school. I knew it was the kind of thing that you like.
Here, it only adds to his shame and frustration. The voice is gone, and he shouldn't need to control himself this way, but the longer he resists, the greater the need becomes, and he always gives in eventually.
It seems wrong to him, anyway, that his arms are mostly bare of scars. That his chest, too, is unmarked. That the other evidence of his violent life is erased, leaving his skin as ordinary as a child's. Sometimes he remembers the scars and he feels the temptation to bring them back.
He has also often been stepping into the gardens and the greenhouse lately, mostly just sitting still and watching the plants. He recognizes their progress. Tries, though it makes him feel a little ridiculous, to murmur things to them sometimes. To talk to them. ]
[ text ]
If you have scars, are they important to you? Do you think they matter?
[ video ; private to Charles ]
I told Megamind you wouldn't object to me attending school. I knew it was the kind of thing that you like.
private
private
What were you trying to get through to him?
private
private
private
private
private
Even if you try, the barge is small.
private
I told him I wanted to hurt him. He seemed so . . . surprised.
private
private
private
You've changed a lot, even as long as I've been here.
private
private
private
But maybe that comes with feeling everything more.
private
private
private
I wasn't really worth having.
private
private
[ He's messing with you. ]
private
[Jerk.]
private
private
private
[ A pause. But he knows Cassel will understand. ]
My worth has always been because I'm a Mistborn.
private
When people say you have worth because of something inside you or something you are instead of something you can do, it feels like a lie.
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private
private