godsays | 060th metal

I wanted to talk about the Barge.

[ He's in the garden again, the garden that's going to become lonely without Morgana. (Visible in the shot is a certain special, elaborate, beautiful flower that he's threatened people over before.) ]

I got here... it's been almost two years for me, though less for the people here. I graduated in five months. That time was terrifying, and painful, and wonderful. I changed so much. But I've changed more since then. It was just a step, not an ending.

I think it's hard to be a warden because what the Admiral does, sometimes, isn't fair. He takes people who have suffered and hurt and lost and makes them suffer more. He traps people who have been trapped their whole lives, and he's not concerned with anyone calling it wrong.

I know - I know inmates have almost always hurt people. I know the Barge changes us into people who don't. I think the way that happens is that it makes us not alone anymore. It shows us mirrors of ourselves. It shows us love. It hurts us and shows us that we can heal.

[ He's started to cry, tears spilling over, though his expression doesn't change. ]

I was never loved. You, all of you who were, you're so lucky. I thought that a son should love his father, and so I let him use me, and I gave him everything he expected. I killed, and I watched, and - I even tried to kill him sometimes, because he expected it, and he would have thought I was weak if I hadn't. Then, when I became too skilled, he tried to dispose of me, and when that didn't work, he tried to buy me, and I...

You don't know how lucky you are. You don't know how it changes everything when people love you.

[ He wipes tears away. ]

It's not going to be the same without Morgana.

[ spam for sylvanas ]

[ He stops by her cabin, after making the post. Just a check-in, which he does every once in a while, making sure she's all right, that she doesn't need anything. He knocks, because he never comes in without asking - at least, not until Lirath's opened the door for him. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Well. That is a thing.

Zane takes a breath. ]

If I've learned anything from the Barge, it's that even murder doesn't have to be the end.

I wish I could just forget about him. Put it all behind me and never have to try and think about it anymore.

But...he is still my son. No matter what.

[His voice started off tight, almost sullen, softening with a note of tired desperation towards the end.]

And Straff is still my father.

[ Family means something.

But he thinks a father should care about his son. Should love his son. Maybe even more than a son should love his father. ]

If your father showed up out of the blue and told you that he loved you, that he had truly cared all along no matter how he had acted or what you might have thought...how would you react?

It would probably be a trick.

Exactly. I had a feeling. And, I have a feeling for Paxton it would be the same way.

So perhaps then you see my difficulty.

Well.

This is the Barge.

You can find a way to do it over.

First off, that would require me -- well, getting out of here, for a start. And then I'd have to actually be willing to switch teams to running the asylum. [Habitual frown at the very thought.] And then, what: do it all over?

Fixing things - fixing people who are hurt - isn't easy.

But if this conversation is anything to judge by, you will be getting out of here.

Your vote of confidence is so very encouraging.

[The words are empty and tired where once they would have been merely sarcastic.]

It was a statement of fact.

It's still somehow not quite what I want to hear.

I wouldn't expect you to understand.

Try me.

Maybe some other time. You and I...I think we've had enough heart to heart for one day.

Enough that you won't listen to what Megamind says about me anymore?

You're hilarious if you think I really take much of anything my warden says that seriously.

[ A little snort. ]

I don't like him - I don't like you overmuch, either. But for mostly different and unrelated reasons. Excepting that you're both "redeemed" wardens who think that means you're experts now, of course.

Don't ever assume if I have a problem with you it's because I'm siding with him. I resent that little blue man with every last radioactively-charged bone in my body. I'd be far more willing to listen to you if only just to piss him off, on principle.

I understand.

[ And he won't assume, in the future. ]

Good. So nice to know that's clear now, then.

Have a better day than it seems to be treating you so far, Mr. -- Zane. Yes. Have a better day, Zane.

Same to you.

[ He means it.

He also hangs up there. ]

060th metal

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