godsays | 5th Metal / open video

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5th Metal / open video

[ The video turns on Zane, who is somewhat disheveled, but, to the discerning eye, different than usual. Something too intent and high-strung has been muted, and there is a dangerous hint in his eyes. ]

Cassel is... hurt.

Someone needs to collect him.

Level 4, Cabin 12.

[ And video off. ]

[ ACTION SPAM (edited to add) ]

[ And now Zane is in zero.

He sits alone, arms crossed over his chest, his face hard and blank.

Come and visit! ]

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[ It leaves Zane floundering. He's expecting Charles to push more. He expects everyone to push - that's how the world works, in pushes and pulls. ]

He... [ Zane takes a second and a half too long to gather his scattered thoughts. ]

He demanded I tell him the truth. When I did, he didn't believe me.

[ And he realizes that telling Charles all that he did could be to his advantage. ]

I tried to get away. To find Kon, or another warden, but he wouldn't let me. [ He gives a hint of a pause, lets those words hit, gauging Charles' reaction. ] And he dragged me here.

He was angry. When I fought back, I damaged his mask. I think I ruined it.

[He's not quite sure what to make of that, resolving to add Rorschach to his list of people he needs to talk to about this later, because he does feel in some way responsible for Zane, even if he's not his inmate. He thinks he can actually help him, and considering how things have been lately, that's almost an unfamiliar feeling. Not unwelcome, not unfamiliar, but... it's been a while since he's felt like he can do some actual good.]

Are you hurt? [Zane looked uncomfortable rather than bruised, which Charles knew was probably a minor miracle if he'd actually squabbled with Rorschach considering the man was certainly a very capable fighter, but he could always be nursing an injury Charles couldn't see.]

I don't want a doctor.

[ He has bruises. He doesn't show them when he moves. He would never show an injury. ]

Can I ask why? [He's still assuming it's nothing serious, but people's reasons for wanting to avoid doctors or infirmaries usually told you something about them, and since it's sensitive ground, it's probably better to get it out in the open sooner rather than later.]

I don't trust... [ Anyone. ] Them.

I can assure you, both Merlin and Dr. Banner are perfectly trustworthy individuals, but I won't try to make you go see them if you genuinely don't want to.

[Other people might try to push for it though, if the situation was worse, and if you're bleeding all over the floor, you're going to the doctor. :v]

I don't let healers touch me anymore.

[ When did he stop that? There was a time when he trusted those men.

It stopped... He can't remember when it stopped. It seems to him that this must be significant. ]

When I was hurt, I treated my own wounds. I used pewter to make my body heal.

[Charles assumes it is - some kind of trauma, or brainwashing, or who knows what - but again, he doesn't push. For now, he meant what he said about not forcing him into it.

And hey, speaking of which.]

I asked the Admiral for some tin and copper for you. When you've been released from Zero, let me know and I can give it to you.

[ His body language changes again. Intent, but hopeful, now. ]

...thank you.

It should be one more day.

I disappointed you.

Yes. [There's no real point in lying about it, and maybe it's not fair to be disappointed in someone he barely knows, but.] I understand that there's some [He's not sure what the right word to use is, and the one he ends up settling on isn't really the best choice.] cultural misunderstanding here, but brutalizing a teenager, even if they ask for it, isn't something most of us feel is justified. That's why Rorschach brought you to Level Zero, although having an actual discussion about what happened might have been helpful first.

I don't understand why no one considers him old enough to make his own decisions.

[ These discussions are helpful. The people who have taken time to talk to him haven't wasted that time. He listens; he tries. It's just tempting to dismiss the gap of understanding by saying that he is insane. ]

It's a bit more complicated than that, I think. [He takes a moment to answer, looking around a bit as he considers how best to do so. He feels sort of stupid just standing here, talking, instead of being able to pull over a chair or whatever, but sitting on the floor seems somehow more awkward.] For some people, myself included, it's difficult to think of teenagers or other younger people without thinking about our own siblings or children. It can be difficult to let them make their own choices when we feel as if we need to protect them from failure or being hurt, and in an instance like this, it's particularly complicated because indulging in self destructive behavior is something people take quite seriously regardless of how old the person is.

I don't think he isn't old enough to make his own decisions, but wanting to be hurt to feel better about yourself isn't healthy behavior. That isn't a choice anyone should be encouraged to make, regardless of age, because it's clear there's a very serious problem that needs to be dealt with before they damage themselves irreparably.

[ He sent his own half-siblings to die. He did it without remorse; if they wanted to live, they shouldn't have obeyed him. If they wanted to live, they should have fought better. They had their chance.

So this, perhaps, doesn't quite resonate with him. Or that part of his mind shuts down and makes sure it doesn't resonate. ]

I wouldn't have hurt him in a way he couldn't heal from.

And Barbara Gordon said that self-destructiveness is all right if it's the only way to stop yourself from losing control. You don't agree?

No, I don't. [He's already seen first hand how much damage that can do to a person, and it's never something pleasant to watch.] You have to learn a new way to prevent yourself from losing control. It certainly isn't easy, but it's much more constructive than turning to something hurtful to feel better about yourself.

What if it's the only way that works?

[ He's not talking about Cassel now. ]

You need to keep trying new ideas until you find something else that works. I promise it's possible.

I don't believe it.

[ He's had years to find other ways of coping with the voice. Hurting himself works. ]

That's alright. Most people don't at first, and it does take time.

[It's something we're going to work on though, buddy. B(]

Am I going to be punished the next time I try to stop myself?

[ Because he's slowly acknowledging that there will be a next time. ]

If someone else is hurt in the process, yes. [Again, there's no use lying to him.] There's probably a more constructive way to go about it than immediately sending you to Level Zero, though.

And if it just hurts me?

You won't be punished, but you might have whatever you used to cause harm to yourself taken away, and a number of concerned people will probably want to discuss the issue with you.

Too many people are concerned when it's not their business.

When someone you care for is hurt, it usually becomes your business whether you like it or not.

No one's ever tried to stop harm from coming to me.

[ ie, I don't have friends. ]

5th Metal / open video

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