36 metals ; homeward

[godsays]

[ private to marsh ]

Do you think your god - the new god - could use someone like me?

[ spam, cassel ]

[ He seeks Cassel out, after the conversation with Marsh, knocks at his door. Cassel is family; family is the first he's going to tell.

He won't be gone forever. Just for a little while. Just enough to get his bearings again. ]

[ spam, emperor ]

[ Lying idly in the Emperor's garden, brushing a soft leaf between his fingertips. ]

I'm going to go home.

[ This is stated somewhat tentatively. Not because he isn't mostly sure about the decision, but because he isn't sure how it will be taken. ]

[ video, locked to close cr; includes Cassel, Barbara, Iris, Bush, Chris, Anya, Charles, Morgana, Kelsier, Marsh, Vin, Emperor, possibly others I have missed, ask if confused ]

I'm going - home. To Scadrial. The planet where I was born. Years after I died, and I hear it's a little different now, but I'm going.

I'm don't think I'm ready for this - being a warden - yet. That's all.

I'll be back. This is more home to me than anywhere else has been.

[ locked to mistcast ]

If there's anything you want me to find, or find out, tell me now.

[ video ; open ]

I'll be leaving, temporarily. If you have business with me, we should conclude it now.

Comments

[heisrisen]

Looking at yourself - honestly. What you're ready for and what you're not, and doing something about it. That's one of the hardest things anyone can do.

[godsays]

I don't want to leave the people here.

It's all the family I have. All the things I wanted.

[ Just, other things, too. Maybe things he didn't want, that have to come with it. ]

[heisrisen]

[Part of him wants to say, if you don't come back I will tear your home apart brick by brick when I leave. But grandiose threats are for supervillains. If Zane finds a place that suits him better - and he might, because he is splendid, because he could make himself welcome anywhere now that he is less sharply twisted inside himself - the Emperor will simply do it, and spare Zane the pain of knowing.]

I love you.

[He curls over Zane, kisses him upside-down and contorted.]

I know what it feels like. To walk away from everyone you love and everything you know because it's what you have to do. When I left Ebran the first time -

I'd been working toward it for years. It was the life I wanted. I was still terrified.

[godsays]

This is the life I want. It's here.

But you saw what I said. There's a step - between everything. Maybe the Admiral's given me time on purpose, but I think I need to be free for a while, too.

[ He reaches up, to run a finger along Aslan's nose. ] You understand. I don't need to tell you.

[heisrisen]

I know.

[He smiles softly, nuzzles Zane's finger.]

I wish I could see it.

[godsays]

[ A little echoing smile. ]

You'll be all right?

[heisrisen]

I'll endure.

[godsays]

But will you be all right.

[heisrisen]

Yes, love.

[He will be hurt by Zane's absence, enough for Zane to know he matters, but not enough to worry over. It's a careful balance and he strikes it neatly. The truth is messier on both edges.]

[godsays]

[ A slow nod. He is sure and not-sure at once. Occupying two states of mind, even though he already knows which one is going to win in the end. ]