28th metal . voice

[godsays]

The Admiral makes you a warden before you finish learning. Finding out what's right and what's wrong.

Is that because you never stop learning?

Comments

Private

[godsays]

The breach.

[ It was - bad. That's all. ]

Private

[shakenandlimp]

Would you... d'ya think, feel better to unburden yourself?

Private: cw - images of past self-harm

[godsays]

[ The thought of telling locks him in a half-second of pure panic.

Bloodied fingerprints on his father's clean hands. A towel pressed to the cut. I will protect you, whether from your own hand or God himself.

Far too much to tell, but the mere fact that he panics at the thought lets Zane know that he should speak about it to someone.

He breathes.

Says something smaller, instead: ]

Did you know about the Gobblers?

Private: cw - images of past self-harm

[shakenandlimp]

I ... learned, yes. I met a woman who'd been in their number.

Private

[godsays]

I was one of them.

Do you know what they did?

Private

[shakenandlimp]

[He remember's Heloise's little noise of alarm; such a prodigious big animal, such a small whimper at the idea.]

I know.

It's still with you?

Private

[godsays]

They almost did it to me. I think - they did something.

She never said a word to me after that. Sometimes she spoke to daemons. Never to me.

Private

[shakenandlimp]

Oh, Zane.

Oh Zane, no.

Private

[godsays]

It's - it brought me back to how I was before all of this.

That's why it was difficult.

But I'm not - out of control. I can take this.

Private

[shakenandlimp]

I've no doubt you can, but that's a dreadful thing.

[He'd like to offer some kind of comfort, but he isn't sure what he can do. They're not such friends and there aren't the routines he could offer him to a dinner-- there's no wardroom. He looks into the network a little at a loss.]

Private

[godsays]

Do you know Garrett Hobbs? Abigail's father. Have you spoken to him?

Private

[shakenandlimp]

No; I haven't met the man.

[This seems a non-sequitur]

Private

[godsays]

Don't. Stay away from him. Don't let him near you.

: Private

[shakenandlimp]

Zane, has he done something-?

Private

[godsays]

You know we can't hold people responsible for what they do in breaches or floods.

Re: Private

[shakenandlimp]

Aye. Because it ain't us, it's like being drunk or brain fevered.

Did he hurt you?

[Bush finds that he's fretting; things are beyond his control in a way they haven't been since he was a midshipman, but he is grown and Zane is... well, he is fond of the tormented young man and wants to be of some use.]

Private

[godsays]

It would be easier to say all the ways he didn't.

But he's bad. I know he's bad. Here, too, not just there.

Re: Private

[shakenandlimp]

Zane-- you can't be sure of that.

But I shall keep my distance, don't fret. I can do that.

...do you young folk share evenings? You look so low I hope you have company.

Private

[godsays]

I can. But what I was told, I was told in confidence.

[ And he wants to keep promises, now. ]

I might be better alone today.

Private

[shakenandlimp]

You will be walking the quarterdeck all hours and forgetting to eat next.

I'll take care. When you are feeling like company, come by my cabin to share a drop, poor lad.

Private

[godsays]

There are people who'll remind me.

I did things too - bad things.

Do you think I should apologize to those people?

[ He is genuinely asking advice. ]

Private

[shakenandlimp]

From a breach?

That's a hard thing to know. Better to leave it be, I thin.

Private

[godsays]

...all right.

[He still isn't sure.]