godsays | 49th metal . video and spam

49th metal . video and spam

[ video ]

[ Zane trains the camera on a small, pale blue flower. It is exquisite, for people who care about this kind of thing. Delicate and unique. A quiet spiral of petals.

He turns the camera back to himself. ]

If anyone hurts this flower, I will hurt you back.

[ He's going to start leaving it unlocked. THIS IS A HUGE RISK.

After a moment, he remembers...

Oh, right. He's a warden. ]

...gently.

[ He will only hurt you gently. This is probably a lie. ]

Don't hurt it.

[ spam ]

[ Find Zane in the CES, with two loose rabbits, unleashed, in metal harnesses. He is climbing. He is running, faster than a human should run. He is flying. He is trying to remember freedom without killing.

Find him in the greenhouse, fussing over the flower, followed by a flock of dinosaur chickens.

If elsewhere, let me know, and we'll work something out. ]

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I'd rather be an inmate. I'd rather be somewhere else, with you and Cassel and Aslan. I don't want to be a warden here. I think it's awful.

[ There. That's it. That's what he's been pretending wasn't true ever since he came back from his six months on Scadrial. ]

Leaving without you would be betraying - you. And I won't.

[Her fingers press hard against the plastic of the planter, muscles stiffening instead of clenching. The tension plays into her shoulders. Part of her wants to scream that wanting to leave her is betrayal too, that being able to leave her is betrayal. The part of her that knows that isn't fair makes her draw in a breath before she does anything.]

What is so awful about being able to come and go as you please? Is it their rules? The fact that not even wardens can effect any change? The fact that all graduation is, is proof of shattered convictions?

[She makes herself stop. When she faces him, she is angry, but she isn't flushed with it. She's paler, and the swatches of purple under her eyes stand out more starkly.]

What is it, Zane? Tell me.

There's another world, Morgana. There's one, at least one other, where we were born together and we were children together and you've showed me every bit of magic you can do and then some. There are some where I'm a warrior and you're a queen. There are some where I'm an assassin and I go to kill you and I can't. There are some where we save each other, and some where we ruin each other.

I want all of them.

I want all of them.

I want to be with you, not against you. I want you to love me.

[ It's all selfish, jealous, what he hoards in his heart. But it is honest. ]

[Her chest constricts, her lungs press against her heart, and she feels unbalanced. The room doesn't spin, but she feels as though he's set her to spinning, and she doesn't know how she'll land. Love has been so fickle, for her, so untrustworthy: she loved her friends, who would not stand with her. She loved her sister, who died. She could have loved Loki, given half the chance, and she is afraid of that still, of the wounds love leaves.

She wants to be cruel, and strong, to tell him she does not love him. But she can't make her lungs expand enough.]

I might.

[She loves him a little, she loves Aslan a little, she loves them in ways she's afraid to acknowledge because acknowledgement means there will be no escape.]

I'm still waiting for you to betray me.

[Her biggest fear is still that she will open herself up and be hurt all the more for it.]

I can't promise I won't. Not here, not with floods.

[ Maybe this isn't the time for harsh truths. ]

We have to wait to see what the future has. But - can you trust that right now, I love you? Right now, this moment.

[There is a selfish, cruel voice in her head that whispers, not as much as you love Aslan. She wants to punish him for that, but she won't. Maybe she is selfish and cruel, but she also wants to believe him.

She nods, wordlessly, and steps toward him, arms stretching out to pull him into a hug.]

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