001 + 1st Metal / Voice

[godsays]

[ There are a dozen things he wants to ask. But questions, he knows too well, are a sign of weakness. Like baring one's neck, to another's teeth. Another's knife.

So he hesitates as soon as he starts the journal, stumbles over what he really wants to ask. Ends up blurting something he doesn't really want to say: ] Something told me I wasn't crazy.

[ And he backs up. No. ]

I'm not sure why I'm here.

[ Still too much to say. So he settles for a single question, one that's a trivial issue on his mind: ]

What's a 'shower'?

[ The Final Empire isn't much for internal plumbing. Or running water. ]

Comments

[patheticvillain]

That's the saddest question I've ever heard.

[godsays]

That says a lot about the questions you hear.

[patheticvillain]

Ooh, so analytical. I bet that makes you friends back in Showerlessville.

It's a way to get clean without boiling water on a stove, it's pretty awesome.

[godsays]

[ Teeth grinding. Ah, how he hates being ignorant. ]

How does it work?

[patheticvillain]

You turn the knob and water comes out. Pipes are involved. Also soap. Do you know about soap? Please say yes.

[godsays]

I know about it.

It's just -- the rest. What's wrong with baths?

[ It seems much more simple to him. ]

[patheticvillain]

They're like swimming in your own dirt. Plus, water pressure. Is awesome.

[godsays]

Depends on how filthy you've gotten.

[ Which is delivered somewhat sharply and entirely hypocritically. Mistborn get pretty filthy night after night, jumping around rooftops in the falling ash.

Moving on! ]

What's water pressure?

[patheticvillain]

A beautiful thing. It's like a full-body water massage.

Here's a thought, just take a shower and see for yourself.

[godsays]

You're not very useful, are you?

[patheticvillain]

Hey, I'm a man of action. I'm giving you man of action advice.

[godsays]

And you never make sure you know what you're getting into?

[patheticvillain]

Oh my god. You baby. I pinky-promise it's not going to spit acid at you, okay?

[godsays]

I didn't say it would. I just asked.

[patheticvillain]

You sound scared. Of a shower.

[godsays]

I'm not.

[patheticvillain]

You sure?

[godsays]

Do you have anything that isn't useless to say?

[patheticvillain]

All of that was incredibly useful. This is slander.

[godsays]

Who are you?

[patheticvillain]

Your friendly neighborhood tour guide.

Cassel Sharpe.

[godsays]

And why are you here?

[patheticvillain]

To become a better person.

[Tres sarcasm.]

[godsays]

Are you insane?

[ This is an actual question. He wants to know. ]

[patheticvillain]

[He actually considers this for a second before answering.]

No, I don't think so. Are you?