godsays | private . 19th metal

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private . 19th metal

[ private to anya ]

I think I need help.

[ private to kelsier ]

I want to ask you to keep Vin away from me, but I don't trust you to put my safety over her comfort.

[ Bald and honest. He cares about Kelsier, and Marsh, and it is unbelievably painful to understand that he would be betrayed. ]

[ private to iris ]

You've been killed before. By people here.

[ private to morgana ]

How did you die?

[ a couple days later, private to Cassel ]

I'm sorry I've been so afraid.

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I'm -

[Struggling. He's struggling so much, and he knows this is important and doesn't want to mess it up, but he doesn't know how not to be angry. At himself, at Zane, at everyone.]

I don't know. I don't know.

Maybe I matter, but I'm no good. If you hate me -

Do you?

No.

I hate the thought of you leaving me.

I don't want to. But I made a promise I can't keep, I guess.

Sorry. I can't stop it. I ruined it.

I want you to be better, but power is important. It changes things.

I am so powerless here.

I don't know what to do.

I could make someone kill me. I think that would be enough. To not get better. At least for a while.

Cassel.

No.

Then I don't know what to do at all.

I know that already.

Sorry.

I won't do it.

If you try to have someone hurt you, I will lock you in Dani's house.

I said I won't! I'm not lying.

You can't lock me in a rabbit house.

I'll put a lock on it.

[ He couldn't even lock his rabbit in. ]

Then I'll turn myself into a rabbit.

[This makes perfect sense.]

At least I'd be able to keep an eye on you.

By keeping me in a cage.

...I'm sorry.

I know. Me too.

I feel weak.

I do, too. But I know it's not the same.

Why did you start talking to me now? [He wonders if anything's changed.]

I felt a little less close to giving up.

[And suddenly there's something other than desperation in his voice. Good. So, so good.]

I'm glad.

The woman who killed me is here.

Oh. Shit. What the hell.

What are you gonna do?

I can't do anything.

I don't mean about her. I know you can't do anything about her, maybe nobody can. I mean for you. So it doesn't feel like that's the only thing on the boat for you now.

Because it's not. And I'll - if I can help, I'll help.

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