godsays | 42nd metal ; the breakup

[ video - private to the Emperor ]

I want you to remember.

When you were first here, when you thought that this was all a projection of Alexander's, we spoke. You thought it was ridiculous, remember? That the Lord Ruler could be a metaphor for you. You would never rule your people so incompetently. You would never be so pointlessly cruel.

You've just proven you can be. You killed Bush. For - what? Telling you that you were wrong?

You bastard.

[ Zane's voice is abruptly thick and choked. There was more he wanted to say, but it's gone, it's all gone and scattered. ]

It's over. We're over.

[ spam, CTS ]

[ Zane can be found in the CTS. For days. He fights until he is exhausted, then burns pewter and starts to drag. He has done this before, run for days without rest on pewter and water alone, but now he isn't bothering with the hydration. No care. No real thought. He is just fighting, and he will go on until the pewter is done, and until there's nothing left to burn. ]

[ private to marsh ]

I need more pewter.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[You'd think Cassel would know better than to get between Zane and whatever it is he's fighting against, when he's fighting this hard. You'd think. But he has never been a friend to reason when people he loves are hurting, and that's why he does what he does.]

[Runs right in front of Zane, in the path of his blows. A shock to his system, ideally - or Cassel's - he will not move away unless moved, will not leave unless bodily removed.]

[It shows in his eyes. He doesn't say a word.]

[ This bloodlust - there is nothing else that could snap him out of the midst of it like this. Nothing. Even the Emperor, now, would have dragged out a dozen emotions Zane doesn't care to name and doesn't care to have. But Cassel is different. Cassel has always been different.

It's a fight in a spaceship, a labyrinth of metal corridors. The gravity shifts every few minutes. Sometimes it goes off entirely. Zane likes that the best; the way he can move, with his metals, is better than any of these hallucinations could approximate. He is how he was truly meant to be in free-fall.

But this is not free-fall.

He stops.

He just stops. Gives Cassel a stare that to anyone else would seem cold, would seem a demand - what are you doing here - but in this case just means that Zane is so, so fucking lost. ]

[There's a part of Cassel that regrets that he was not struck. It would be a surer stop, a surer jolt. Maybe it would even make both of them feel better, until it made them feel worse. And he does remember how they met, really met, and what happened after.]

[He doesn't say any of this. Just tips his chin up, insistent.]

Come here.

[Be lost over here.]

[ Gravity turns off, now, and Zane takes to it easily, mentally reorienting himself so that there is no up or down, there isn't any anchor. It doesn't matter to him. Now all the forces that act upon him will be what he touches, with his body or with his mind.

He catches a handhold on the former ceiling. ]

Cassel.

[ Tumble of words in his head. What if you say I was wrong, what if you hate me for this, what if the Emperor breaks and I wasn't there, what if I break and he isn't, what if Sylvanas doesn't come back, what if I'm here for nothing.

What if this can't be fixed. ]

[His own handhold is desperately scrambled for - he doesn't actually know what he's holding on to, really. His eyes are on Zane's face, as is all of his attention. So many what ifs, as if Cassel's asked him anything yet. As if Cassel wants anything specific of him, other than his intrinsic Zaneness, which shouldn't be taken away.]

[He smiles, wry.]

If you want me to condemn you, you're going to at least have to tell me what happened first. Hm?

Come here.

[ He doesn't move like a bird, or a moth. He doesn't move like a human, either. He moves smooth, Pulls and Pushes with little, seamless bits of precision. The ceiling is a wall; it's a floor; it's a gentle slope. It's all of those things. He wants to touch Cassel, he does, but he stops short of it. ]

I told him it was over.

[The question that comes next is simple - deliberately so. Almost cruelly so. Cassel tips his head to one side.]

Why?

He killed Bush. [ Zane is still out of breath, dried sweat on top of dried blood on top of fresh. ]

Someone - who only ever was loyal, he killed. Just because Bush told him no. Told him the truth.

[ The metal around them buckles. The strain in Zane's body might tell Cassel what's happening - that Zane has nowhere else to vent what he feels, so he Pushes, outward, in all directions except to Cassel. ]

[You killed Touko once, he thinks but doesn't say; instead he steps forward, holding out his hand.]

You're angry. If that's what feels right to you, then that's what you should have done.

[But it's never as simple as just feeling right. Not for them.]

[ His hands are sweat- and blood-stained, sticky and half-dried. He holds back. Touches a steadying hand to the wall. ]

I don't know what I feel.

Is it hurting you?

[He touches his hand to the wall, too, inches away from Zane's.]

Is it killing you?

Yes.

[ Yes. Yes. Yes to both. ]

[His fingers slide forward, to twine with Zane's. He doesn't ask permission for this. He just takes.]

Don't die.

You have practice not dying, now. You're so much bigger than this minute that hurts. You're art.

You're all bloody, Zane. Do you know that you're all bloody?

...I've been killing a lot.

I figured.

Do you want to keep doing it?

42nd metal ; the breakup

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